How to Save Mom's Life One Story at a Time

7 Tips for Capturing Her Personal History

 April 5, 2011 - What better gift can you give to the woman who gave you life than "saving" her life? Rather than a blouse to fill her closet or a kitchen gadget for her drawer, give her your time, attention and genuine interest in her life stories and values - her personal history. And while you're at it, capture it on paper, audio or video for the time when she's not around to tell it herself. Or, hire a professional and give your Mom a gift certificate for the service. This gift to your Mom (or Grandma) will show her how special she is, but of course it will also be a gift to you and your family as well.

This gift can be appropriate for Moms and Grandmas of all ages, but it's especially perfect if they are 65 or older and have grandchildren. It's always best to do it sooner rather than later because you never know what may happen.

Tips for Capturing Your Mom's Personal History

1. Give a Grandparents Book. Buy a ‘grandparents book' for your Mom - there are a number of these books available at your local bookstore or on Amazon. Ask your Mom to take the time to sit down and answer the questions in the book and give her a month deadline. Check in after a month and if she hasn't started yet, set aside an hour a week to sit with her while she does it or help her write out the answers.

2. Encourage Writing an Ethical Will. Ask your Mom to write an "ethical will" which is basically a love letter to family members. It's a way to share values, beliefs, blessings, life's lessons, dreams for the future, love and forgiveness. She can even write about stories from her life that have been particularly significant or interesting. The final draft can be one page or even 10 pages. Every ethical will is as unique as the person writing it, however, to see some samples to share with your Mom, visit www.ethicalwill.com.

3. Review Photos Together. Find old photos from throughout your Mom's life. Tape the photos to a blank sheet of paper (or copy it and save the original). Sit down with your Mom and ask her about the photos - who was in them, what she was doing, if she remembers how they were feeling or any interesting stories associated with the photos. Try to write everything down on that sheet of paper so that the information and stories are documented together with the photos. Have lots of extra paper handy in case she ends up talking about other stories not associated with the photos. The photos are a great tool to get her thinking about her life.  

4. Use Pen & Paper. Sit down with your Mom and start asking her about her life - and take notes! You will likely remember her stories, at least for a while, but your kids and future generations often won't remember the stories and tidbits of wisdom if you don't get it down on paper. Oral histories are a big part of Hawaiian and some Asian cultures. However that was before we were distracted by so much other communication sources and media in our lives and unrecorded stories now will likely be forgotten or mixed up. All you need is a paper and pen... and time to focus 100% on your Mom.

5. Audio Record Her. Buy or borrow a digital audio recorder and test it to make sure it works. Find a comfortable room in the house, hit record and start asking your Mom questions about her life. The important thing is capturing the stories before it's too late, but don't forget to upload the tape to your computer to save it more easily and make copies for others in the family. You can also use an old fashioned tape recorder and the audio will record great, but it will be more challenging to transfer to a computer.

6. Video Record Her. Buy or borrow a camcorder and test it to make sure you know how to use it. Set it up in a room with as much natural light as possible and/or turn on lights in the room. Ideally, the light source should be behind or to the side of the camera. However, don't get too hung up on how it looks - the most important thing will be the content you're capturing and anything will be better than nothing. Hit record and start asking questions. Again, be sure to upload the tape to your computer soon afterwards.

7. Hire a Professional. Interviewing your Mom yourself can be rewarding and it's free. However, if you find yourself putting it off and/or want it done better than you think you can do it, it may be time to call a professional. The Association of Personal Historians has more than 500 members globally who capture personal histories in book, audio or video formats. You can find members by doing a quick search on the APH web site: www.personalhistorians.org. Currently there is only one APH member in Hawaii.

Some Tips for Asking Questions:

Ask probing questions. If you find yourself getting yes or no answers, try asking your Mom to tell you a specific story or ask her why she said yes or how she was feeling at the time.

Be specific. Instead of asking your Mom to tell you about her childhood, ask her what types of things she did in her free time or to tell you about her favorite family vacation.

Hear it for the first time. Tell her to assume you don't know the answer - especially if you are audio or video recording it. You may have heard the story of how she met her husband, but capturing it for future generations will be precious, so have her tell the story as if you haven't heard it before. (That's another advantage of hiring a professional who will hear the stories for the first time.)

Listen. Be genuinely interested and listen to the answers! Turn off your cell phone, shut the door to distractions and give her 100% of your attention. That's often the best gift you can give your Mom.

This article was written by Lisa Simon, a Personal Historian from REMEMBER MEdia. Lisa started her personal history business in 2006. Since then she has recorded more than 30 life stories in Chicago and Hawaii. For a reasonable fee, Lisa customizes each interview, video records the interviews and then edits it into a DVD as a historical memento. Most importantly, she won't put it off until it's too late - she'll schedule a time right away. For more information please visit REMEMBER MEdia's web site: www.remember-media.com or contact Lisa at 808-230-8595 or lisa@remember-media.com.